Scars
by Lady Callista
Summary: After the Winter War, Momo retreated into her own mind. A visit, and confession, from Izuru brought her out of it. But that means she now has to deal with all the pain she was ignoring. Can she learn to trust again? Sequel to: In Times That She Cried


Disclaimer: Kubo is god, Kubo is king, Tite Kubo owns everything. I'm just playing with them for awhile. I also do not own any of the quotes I use in each chapter. They were all found on the internet or are from something, and if they have an author I say who it is.

Author's Notes: Series: After the Winter War. Sequel to "In Times That She Cried," although you don't have to have read that for this. But if you like this you should like that, and it will make the beginning make a little more sense.

So I've had a decent number of requests for another story with Hinamori Momo and Kira Izuru, especially by a few people who felt gypped when they learned things about them in other stories that I didn't describe. And by a few others who felt they were very unappreciated as a couple and enjoyed a well-written, not OOC, story about them. So, this ones for you guys. I know it won't be as popular as many of my other stories, because it's not as popular a pairing, but I just had to write it. It's probably gonna be more Momo centered, as she has lots more issues to work out, and it allows me to play with Toshiro again. This picks up right near the end of In Times That She Cried, as most of the people who wanted a sequel also wanted to hear their first talk.

Oh, and this story is not beta'd. My beta and I are working on my IchiHime story, but I'd forgotten how much longer it takes to post stuff when working with a beta, and I like posting more often. But I love working with a beta as well. So I'm gonna try two stories at once and see how it goes.

Oh, and this story has a MAJOR SPOILER WARNING for Chapter 392 of the manga.

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Scars

By Lady Callista

Chapter 1: Talking

_OoOoOoOoOoO_

_It is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar. _

_Henry Wadsworth Longfellow _

_OoOoOoOoOoO_

"But I just wanted you to know that there is someone who loves you."

Momo felt her tears begin to flow faster as Izuru-san finished his confession and crossed the room to stand beside her. The thought she'd had earlier, that love was useless and false, came into her head for a moment. But it slid away as he leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead.

Aizen-taicho had never kissed her. He'd held her once or twice, but she couldn't remember that now without remembering that the last time he'd done so she'd ended up with his sword through her. She couldn't forget that he'd been the cause of another zanpakuto going through her, the zanpakuto of the person she had trusted above all others. Still did, when it came to it, for she knew it hadn't been his fault.

Izuru-san had said he knew it could take a long time for her to love anyone else, but the real problem for her was that to love someone you had to trust them.

And if she could still trust Shiro-chan, maybe she could trust someone else too. Especially someone who had been her friend for so long. She did trust him in a way, just like she trusted Renji-san, and Rangiku-san, and her other friends. She couldn't trust anyone quite the way she used to though.

But she couldn't hide in this room forever either.

Izuru-san was already turning to leave when Momo made herself reach out and grab his sleeve. She didn't look at him, she couldn't, but she couldn't stop the tears from coming faster and faster either. She hadn't cried since the war ended.

She'd floated in a separate little world, where nothing was quite real, because if it wasn't real then it didn't hurt quite so much. She knew what it would feel like to let it out, which was why she hadn't done so. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. But he had been so sweet, and his words had brought the barriers she'd built inside her crashing down.

Momo slid sideways in the chair until her head rested against his stomach, her tears flowing faster. Other than Unohana-taicho, he was the first person she'd touched voluntarily since the war ended.

Momo felt his arms slid around her carefully, and almost panicked for a moment, remembering the last time a man had held her. But Izuru would never do that. He'd both protected and healed her during the war, and Toshiro had mentioned to her awhile ago that even before they'd known the three were traitors Izuru had twice acted in seeming defiance of orders to protect her.

Still sobbing brokenly, she allowed her arms to slid around him, fists clutching in the back of his gi as his arms tightened around her and she felt more than heard him sigh. She realized that he'd gone from standing to kneeling, and that her head was buried in his shoulder. She could feel his heart beating under her ear. Feel his hands on her back.

Kira Izuru held Momo gently as she cried, a few tears coming to his eyes as well. She was crying harder than anyone he'd ever seen. He'd once heard someone say that nothing, no battle wound, no loss of pride, nothing hurt worse than a broken heart. He thought he knew what they meant now, for he'd never seen anyone in more pain than Momo. And nothing had ever hurt worse than holding the woman he loved while she cried and knowing there was nothing he could do to ease her pain.

He felt Unohana-taicho enter the room once, briefly, but she left without comment, probably so glad that Momo was doing something other than staring into space that she would make sure they were left alone for as long as necessary.

Izuru slid one of his hands off of her back, intending to stroke her hair, which looked so different long and unbound than in her normal bun. And then he froze when she sprang out of his arms with a look of terror on her face.

Momo huddled in her chair, eyes wide as she looked at him.

He wasn't going for a weapon. That was obvious by the look of confusion on his face, as well as by the way his hands stayed up. She'd known he wasn't going for a weapon. Of course he wasn't. He wasn't even wearing his zanpakuto. And he would never…

Shame and embarrassment flooded through her. Not only for her last action, but for the way she'd been clinging to him. He'd said he loved her and her reaction had been to have a total breakdown. He'd said he would understand if it took her a long time to be ready to think of being with someone, and she'd thrown herself into his arms like he was her only lifeline. "I…" Her voice, rusty with disuse, shook, and she started over. "I'm sorry."

It was barely a whisper, and Izuru could see emotions flashing through her eyes more quickly than he could recognize all of them. She seemed so fragile right now, somehow even more so than when she'd been unresponsive. "For what?" He breathed.

"I…I doubt that's a normal reaction when someone tells you that…" Momo trailed off, unable to say it. "And then when I felt your one hand move, I…I…"

"Oh, Momo." He sighed, his eyes going wide with sudden comprehension. No one had known exactly how Aizen had stabbed Momo in the Central 46 rooms, as they'd been alone, but he could almost see it in his head now. She would have been so happy to see him alive, and he would have embraced her, drawing her close so that…

Momo burst into tears again as she saw the understanding and pity come in to his eyes. She didn't want pity, not from anyone. It was the second reason, other than not wanting to deal with the pain, that she hadn't spoken to anyone after the war. "I know in my head that you wouldn't…that you'd never…but in my heart…I just don't know how to let anyone in. I think everyone would just be better off if I stayed here for the rest of my life."

Izuru wanted badly to reach out to her, but knew it would break something inside of him if she shied away from him again. It might break something else in her as well, and she already looked entirely too broken. "It might be easier for you, but it wouldn't be better. Not for you, and not for any of your friends either. We, we miss you Momo. As I'm sure everyone has told you."

"I'm just not sure how to be around people anymore. It feels like I'm just waiting for someone else I care about to betray me." Momo sobbed.

"Start slowly." Izuru said gently as he reached out to her, overjoyed beyond words when she allowed him to take her hand in his own. "You don't have to go right back to running your division, or to socializing with everyone. Start just by going outside. Stay in the courtyard if you want, you know Unohana-taicho won't let anyone bother you. Or have lunch with Matsumoto, or with Hitsugaya-taicho. Or one of your other friends. Start letting us help you."

The last words almost sounded like a plea, and Momo thought about how nice it felt to have him holding her hand. But it didn't seem fair to him. He'd been her friend for so long, and all that time he'd been in love with her, and she'd never known it. She'd been so obsessed with Aizen-taicho…

"What you said earlier… Izuru-san, I… I don't know how long it will take me to forget him. I don't know if I ever will. And even if I do, I don't know if I could let myself… let myself love someone else. Knowing how much it hurts when it ends, I don't know if…"

"I'm not asking you for promises, Momo." Izuru said gently. "I'm not asking for anything but to let me continue to be your friend. To let me and your other friends help you." He reached out and gently cupped her cheek in his hand, using his thumb to brush away some of her tears. "I just want to see you smile again."

Momo looked into his eyes for a moment, then nodded her head slowly. "Thank you."

He drew his hands back from her and rose slowly. "Would you mind if I dropped by tomorrow?"

Momo shook her head. "When you do, will you take me outside for a walk?"

"Of course." Izuru smiled as he turned towards the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Which although nowhere near as happy as they had been a few years ago, were not as sad as they had been a few hours ago either.

TBC…

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AN2: So, what does everyone think? It's a bit short for me, I know, but I just wanted to get a start on the story and see what people thought, as I haven't written either of these characters in a while. Chapters of this will likely come out about every 7-10 days, for two reasons. One, because like I said, I'm also working on my IchiHime story at the same time; and Two, because I can only deal with so much angst at a time, and this story promises to have lots of it. Please review and let me know what you think.


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